Children

One aspect of any separation or divorce in which minor children are involved, is the question of the parents’ continuing relationship with and involvement in the lives of their children.

It is important that you and your partner communicate with one another at all times in respect of issues regarding your children. Whilst it will need to be understood by all that there is no prospect of a reconciliation between the two of you, you should seek to maintain a united front in your role as parents in the best interests of the children. That requires consultation, honesty and openness in dealings regarding the children.

You will both need to decide with whom the children should live mainly. It is important that the children regard both your residences as home, and are encouraged to do so.

You and your partner need to speak regularly to discuss the children’s upbringing and their daily/weekly/monthly programmes, so that contact can work as well as is possible. It should be remembered that the law says that it is the right of the children to see the parents, and not the other way round.

If you cannot agree on these matters, then the alternative would be for the courts, solicitors and social workers to become involved. This is a costly process and generally does not lead to better relations. If the court has to deal with any matter relating to any child, then the welfare of that child is regarded as paramount. In essence, English law is very much child-centred in its approach to family breakdown.

The process involves making the application and then attending a Directions Appointment with the Court where you will meet a an officer from the Children and Family Court Advisor and Support Service (CAFCASS - www.cafcass.gov.uk) to try and narrow down the issues between you. If matters cannot be agreed as a result of that meeting then Directions will be given in which a CAFCASS Officer's Report will be ordered and Statements and evidence will be ordered to be filed. That Report can take a long time, sometimes up to twenty weeks. Thereafter a further Directions Appointment will be listed, again with the CAFCASS Officer to see if agreement can be reached between the two parties involved, or at least to narrow down the issues. If not then the matter will be listed for a final hearing.

If there are concerns about behaviour of one of the parents, the court also has power to make a prohibited steps order, which limits when certain parental rights and duties can be exercised and/or a specific issue order, which contains directions to resolve a particular issue in dispute in connection with the child. It should be noted that the court does not grant either of these orders lightly. They are never granted in order to put unwarranted obstacles to contact or other issues by one parent against the other.

The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) have produced a guide for separating parents called Putting your children first, which provides assistance in helping you think about all aspects of your children’s lives, and the arrangements you are making for them. It also gives tips on how you can best support your children through the transition and beyond and gives suggestions for where you might go for support and help.